It’s official!! On June 1st, 2016, Kendric Scott became a legal part of our family. We had a wonderful “Gotcha Day” celebration last weekend with lots of friends and food. It’s still sort of surreal to be honest. It’s hard to believe that all of the time and work has finally come to fruition. I think now it’s time for me to finish our adoption story. Not that the story is really ever complete. We’ll be working through adoption related issues and celebrating adoption related victories for the rest of our lives, but here is a good place to pause and reflect on the beautiful journey that has brought Kendric into our family.
In the last post, I offered an apology. I apologized for my ignorance and judgmental attitude towards those who’ve adopted privately. I want to make this apology public for the purpose of encouraging others to expand their view of private adoption. I think there is a lot of judgment surrounding adoption and which route couples choose to take. It’s nuanced. It’s out there. I want you to know that private adoption is not “easy.” It was heart breaking at times. No matter which route you take, adoption is not for the faint of heart. There is always some level of sadness around how a child came to be in need of a family. Always. Even in the best case scenario, there is a sense of loss.
This is no different for our situation. The birth mother we were matched with, I’ll call her Ms. L, is an amazing, strong woman of God. She wants the best for Kendric and wishes she could give that to him. Her situation is complicated and I don’t feel right sharing the circumstances here. Maybe without knowing the details you can trust me when I tell you that she is kind, strong, responsible, and has demonstrated a love that I had never witnessed before. I am forever indebted to this woman for bringing Kendric into our lives and for that, I will always have a special place for her in my heart. I am so grateful that she found us.
Now let me tell you how this happened. In my last post, I left off in September of 2014. We didn’t get matched to either of those kids mentioned, as I’m sure you concluded. You’re so smart, smarty pants. In fact, we actually ended up putting the whole process on hold because Caleb got a job in Austin, Texas. We had been trying to move either up to Northern California to be closer to my family or to Texas to be closer to Caleb’s family. Texas was the call so we moved and chose an area close to the church we felt called to be a part of.
Spring 2015: We attended an adoption conference in Austin called “A Future and a Hope.” At the conference we learned of an adoption agency that seemed pretty cool called “Loving Hearts Christian Adoptions.” We jumped on board with them and took all the steps necessary to update our home study. Unfortunately for us, a LOT of couples heard about this agency and jumped on board. We soon discovered that we’d be waiting a LONG time to get matched so we kept our ears open for other options.
June 2015: In one of the Facebook adoption groups I was in, I heard about an agency looking for couples to join their “Agency Assisted Program” which is for couples who are open to adoption African-American children. (We’ll get into the absurdity of this another time.) I spoke with a couple of different people who had experience with this agency and we decided it would be a good fit. Now, Loving Hearts would do our home study and American Adoptions would do the match.
July 2015: American Adoptions doesn’t mess around. They sent us professional video equipment to capture moments of our daily lives and interviews with ourselves plus family members. Not at all awkward. Zero awkwardness. There may have been one or two staged dog walks. “Pretend not to see the camera Luca!” “Don’t look at the camera!” “Ok, everyone smile normally!” We filled out a billion questionnaires and sent in our best photos. Even though it was a pain, I will say that their method is a great one for making a solid match.
Early October 2015: Luca, my stepmom Sharon, and I are at Disneyland when I get the call that there is a birth mother who may be a good fit for us. Before they show her our profile, they send us information about her to make sure that we are a “go” if she were to choose us. American Adoptions sends over the info and I was amazed. I could tell that this birth mom was special and I truly hoped she would choose us. She wanted a very open relationship and that is something we prayed for. Not only did it seem like a great fit, but the baby would be born in NOVEMBER!! So soon!! Caleb agreed that it seemed like a good fit and we approved the presentation. I was so excited but tried not to get my hopes up. Continue reading