I remember holding that pregnancy stick ever so carefully, concentrating on peeing just right. Setting it down as if it were a ticking bomb and then backing away tentatively, knowing that it could change my life forever. That cheap little plastic stick would be the prophet of my destiny. Two minutes seemed like a really, really long time to wait. And when month after month, the prophet pee sticks would deny my dreams, the two minutes became progressively longer.
We have been in the adoption process from the “we’re seriously researching stage” to the “oh yeah, this is really happening stage” for about 18 months now. That is a loooong time to wait for a plus sign. Now, granted we’ve had a switch from international adoption to domestic and two moves (including a cross-country move) in the midst of our adoption pregnancy. You could say that all of that delayed things or that it was what led us to where we are supposed to be. Depending on the day, I feel differently.
Today, it’s just hard. Our son, Luca, is constantly asking us, “Where’s our baby?” “Can we go get our baby now??” It’s so cute, right? As cute as me poking my own eyeball with a chicken skewer. Repeatedly. Just precious. I’m over it. Every time my phone buzzes or hums or spouts off “Playtime” I’m like, “Oh my gosh, this could be it!” Alas, the pee stick is negatory yet again. I have this feeling that “the call” is coming soon so I’ve got myself all pumped-up. But I’m playing it totally cool. I’m so chill about it. I packed a suitcase full of newborn stuff (after washing everything, some things twice) and made an Amazon Baby Registry (less work went into my graduate thesis). I’m like ice.
So, we’re (I’m using the term ‘we’ loosely here) are reading all kinds of books on adoption, specifically transracial adoption. I’m booking Noonday Trunk Shows to help fundraise. Luca and I found books at the library about becoming a Big Brother and adoption. I’m doing a lot to try to stay busy and distracted. Our profile isn’t even active yet, so the odds of us getting a placement are possible but slim. So this hope that the call is coming this soon is really quite ridiculous. Most likely, our profile won’t even be seen until next month at the earliest.
Keep us in your prayers everyone. If you have any reading or encouragement to help with the wait, send it on over pronto.
**NOTE TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY: Please don’t stop texting and calling me for fear that your call will be a major disappointment and that I may answer the phone crying like a fool. Just carry on as normal. Everything is normal and the same. If you stop calling I will cry on video and send it to you daily. Please still love me.