Let me tell you, this has been an AMAZING week. We’ve been fundraising for our adoption and we’ve acquired over $500 in commissions from Noonday Collection so far. Not all of that is profit because of the initial investment required of purchasing samples and supplies. You’ve gotta spend money to make money right? Well, the next few trunk shows we have on the books will bring in actual profit and that will be awesome.
Regardless of the money and all the math, having everyone’s support has been mind-blowing. I feel so much love and support. I am well aware that this child coming in to our home will be loved and cherished by many. It’s a much different feeling than when I was physically pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely felt the love then. Baby showers and sweet comments (ok, mostly they were sweet, but not all) from strangers at the grocery store all assured me that what I was going through was supported. I felt special.
Being pregnant with an adopted child is different. When I was pregnant, everyone knew I was expecting and I guess I just sort of expected people to be excited too. I don’t have the same expectations this time and of course, people can’t tell just by looking at me that I’m on this journey. Forgive me, I don’t want to come across as ungrateful, after all, I made this choice to go down this path right? Well, we complain about being pregnant and that’s a choice (usually) too, so I think I have every right to be real. But can I just say that being this kind of pregnant is really hard. Can I just level with you without you getting all judgy on me? I just need to get this off of my chest.
Maybe it’s because it’s November. See, when we decided to adopt it was February. Do the math. If we had conceived in February, I’d be giving birth right now. This pregnancy is long. But what’s hard is that we have no idea how long. The unknown due date… just hanging out there in the space/time continuum somewhere. It will happen (right??) but we just don’t know when. The waiting is starting to get really difficult. I’m ready. I’m ready to hold my next baby.
Don’t get me wrong… I HATED being physically pregnant. The swelling, the unmentionable ailments, the moodiness, oh I could go on. But there was also something that I loved about being pregnant in that way. My baby was always with me. That overshadowed everything else. Well, this time, I have my skinny jeans on and I’m not on bed rest but my baby is possibly in the belly of a homeless woman or meth addict. That’s hard to bear.
It’s hard on so many levels. It’s so hard to imagine a woman who is pregnant in those conditions. My heart breaks for her. When I think of how hard my pregnancy was, I can’t even fathom the struggle of pregnancy without the comforts that I had: a safe home, a healthy body, a myriad of support, a loving husband. The basics that most of us take for granted.
Now throw on top of that the fact that there’s a baby in that environment too. Ugh. Let me tell you, people, if you want to increase your faith and trust in God, do something crazy like adoption. Because with every fiber of my being I want to scream and cry and stomp my feet at the ridiculousness of this scenario. How is it that women and children are here? I want it to stop.
I can’t make it stop.
God could, but He doesn’t. He gave humanity free will and thus…
I rest in the fact that He called us to this and that means that good will come from it. Even if it’s simply that my character is being refined, which let me tell you, it is. You know how people say you should never pray for patience? Yeah… Well, I probably prayed for something like that at some point. I think I am becoming more patient. I can also tell you that I am appreciating Luca and motherhood even more and more. Now, I have the added benefit of working with the amazing company of Noonday and helping to prevent poverty-created orphans all over the world! That is a huge blessing. It has been so nice to have something so good to pour my heart into while I wait. I know the waiting will end. Really, it could end any day now! Please pray that it does- tomorrow works for me. 😉
Well, thanks for listening. If you have any words of encouragement, bring ’em on.