LOL and Other Lies

So today I was texting with my sister and my stepmom and I was informed that I texted something really rude. I was caught off guard by this because in my mind, I was clearly joking. I mean, come on, I even put “LOL” at the end of the text. Then I got schooled.

Luckily, my sister is a lot cooler than me and offered me some urban wisdom: LOL doesn’t really mean that you’re laughing or even joking. Ok, now I’m not a total moron. I’ve noticed for a while now that LOL is UnknownWAY over used and it really annoys me. However, I thought that when it was used that it at least meant “hey, I’m in good spirits.” I didn’t realize that it’s actually used as a way for people to say anything they want in hopes that the LOL will soften the blow.

It’s kinda like when people in the South say, “Bless her soul…” You know, like, “Bless her soul, Thelma couldn’t sing a note on key if she had a canary in her throat.” It’s like by saying “bless her soul” you’ve negated the complete jerk statement that you just made. But obviously everyone knows that you just wanted to say something mean and not feel guilty about it. So now you just seem like a sneaky jerk which apparently is the way I accidentally came across earlier.

Ok, so now I’m even more annoyed. If you’re not really laughing, don’t text me LOL. And if you’re not REALLY laughing hard, I don’t want a LMAO or a ROFL either. No more pity acronyms for me and no more sugar-coating. Give it to me straight. IF you are actually laughing, bring on aforementioned acronyms. If you’re not, it’s cool, I can take it. It’s so overused and I’m sorry, there’s just no way I’m actually that funny.

Unknown-2Maybe you’re using LOL as a way to be ironic. Ok, I kind of get that. You’re like, “OMG my car died again today. FML lol” You’re trying not to be a total Debbie Downer. So you’ve texted something really crappy that has happened to you but you’re also letting me know you’re ok. But are you really ok? Honestly, I’m confused. So again, unless you’re really laughing, don’t put it. I seriously don’t know how to respond back. If I respond back with, “LOL,” then I’m a jerk. But if I respond, “Man that really sucks.” Then you’re gonna be like, “Eh whatever, I hated it anyway, lol.” Or something like that. But it’s totally obvious that you’re actually bummed so just own it. Neither of us will drown in despair, it’s all good. Again, I can handle it. I don’t need your “lol” to save me from depression.

So let’s be honest, if we were really laughing out loud as much as we say we are, someone would probably haul us away to a mental institution. I’m totally guilty of it too. I overuse. I confess.

But now this LOL madness has to end. We have to commit to be real, yes? From now on, I’m going Unknown-1to reserve LOL for when I’m actually laughing. If I’m smiling, you’ll get a cute emoticon. It’s going to be hard, I know. My thumbs are practically programmed to LOL as a way to ease tension and keep the spirits light. Well, no more. I’m keeping it real y’all and I hope you do too.

As a reference, I’ve included The Urban Dictionary’s definition of LOL:

It’s original definition was “Laughing out loud” (also written occasionally as “Lots of Laughs”), used as a brief acronym to denote great amusement in chat conversations.

Now, it is overused to the point where nobody laughs out loud when they say it. In fact, they probably don’t even give a shit about what you just wrote. More accurately, the acronym “lol” should be redefined as “Lack of laughter.”

Depending on the chatter, its definition may vary. The list of its meanings includes, but is not limited to:
1) “I have nothing worthwhile to contribute to this conversation.”
2) “I’m too lazy to read what you just wrote so I’m typing something useless in hopes that you’ll think I’m still paying attention.”
3) “Your statement lacks even the vaguest trace of humor but I’ll pretend I’m amused.”
4) “This is a pointless acronym I’m sticking in my sentence just because it’s become so engraved into my mind that when chatting, I MUST use the meaningless sentence-filler ‘lol.'”

See: lmaolmfaorofllawlhehhahalolol, and120 for similarities.

Statement: Sorry if I’m not too cheery, my best friend just died yesterday.
Worthless Reply: lol

Statement: The golden ratio is truly an interesting aspect of not only mathematics, but art as well.
Worthless Reply: lol

Statement: … And then he says, “Your mom goes to college!”
Worthless Reply: lol

Statement: Hey, are you doing anything tonight? You could come over to my house and play some Unreal Tournie…
Worthless Reply: lol, ok

 

What are your texting pet peeves?

 

 

 

 

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