Blogging Because I Want To

I’ve been sick for the last 3 weeks. Being sick with a baby is a special kind of torture but I won’t get into it. I only mention it because being sick allowed me to have some down time. I read, I prayed, I thought a lot about stuff… That’s how I spent my extra time.

I began to feel frustrated with myself for getting sick and then staying sick for so long. I know, I know, everyone gets sick… blah blah blah. I still have a tendency to get mad at myself for getting sick. Like I should somehow be above getting sick.

It’s humbling.

Somewhere during week 2, I finally resigned. I was sick. People get sick. I’m human. I started to ask God if there was a reason why I had been given this never-ending cold.

Now, don’t misunderstand me, I don’t know that I believe that God made me sick… However, I do think that He uses everything for a greater purpose.

So I figured I might as well figure-out what that purpose might be.

That’s when I reached-out to a friend and asked her to pray for me. She’s one of those people that really do pray when you ask them to. I’m really glad she did. She came back to me and said she was getting a word from God. The word was… striving. 

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

Striving.

That’s something I’m really, really good at. I knew then that my hunch was confirmed. My hunch was that God was using this period of illness as an opportunity for me to rest and to re-evaluate the way I was doing life.

I won’t get into everything, but I will get into blogging.

I love to write. My blog has become a special place for me to express myself and to find community. Both good things right? Sure.

So, if that’s all that I’m wanting from my blog…

Why do I check my stats nearly every day?? 

Yeah… and…

Why do I tweak my writings?

Why do I make myself write even when I don’t feel like it?

The answer to those two questions is this: Because I want to keep my stats UP.

The answer to the first question is: Because I want to feel good about myself.

The problem is, sometimes my stats are DOWN. Then I feel bad about myself.

You can see how this is a problem right?

I’m currently reading a book called, “Unconditional Parenting” by Alfie Kohn. Let’s just say that this book is making it abundantly clear to me that I value approval from others more than I should.

My blog was just becoming another source for striving… another thing to gain approval.

Obviously, this has to stop.

My blog will continue to exist but I probably won’t post as much. My posts might be kind of random because they’re just going to be a reflection of what’s going on in my life. I’m going to continue to write in hopes that others will be encouraged. That is still a main purpose for this blog.

However, I’m not going to obsess about stats. If only one mom is encouraged by a post, and that mom happens to be me, well, then so be it. 

 

 

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One thought on “Blogging Because I Want To

  1. Jaclyn – this is beautiful! God desires our joy and sometimes that’s hard to internalize! I love reading your blog and I will love it even more if you are only posting when it brings you joy to do so!

    Like

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