Here is a guest post from one of my new favorite blogs It’sJustEmmy.com. I must say it’s probably one of my favorite posts of all time… It’s THAT good. As wives, I think we all fantasize about our husbands reading our minds… wouldn’t that be nice? We would never have to be that girl. You know the one I’m talking about, the super needy girl that repels relationship just by batting an eye. Here’s the thing though…we all have to blink. We ALL have needs. Those needs are ok. Our culture is one that worships “rugged individualism” but that type of living is a recipe for loneliness and bitterness. Ok, I’ll stop before I go off on a tangent… Here’s the awesome post:
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 14, 2013
Guest Post: A Letter from Your Wife
But she’s a champion Facebook poster, and the other day she posted a note on Facebook that was so perfectly perfect that I immediately texted her and asked if I could share it on my blog.
So here it is. The best post ever by my friend, Deanna Ramsay:
I often hear young moms complaining about their needs not being met. About things they wish they had, wish they received, wished their husbands did… and I realized… not all husbands “get it.” Some take longer to learn their wives than others. And some wives don’t help the situation at all. We play games. We expect much but express little. Today, I felt compelled to write a letter. On behalf of stay at home moms. If you’ve never said it or he’s never “gotten it.” I hope this helps.
To: My Husband.
From: Your Stay at Home Wife/Mom.
I used to think it would be so romantic if you just knew me so well, that you knew exactly what I needed. I would never have to verbally share with you my needs because if you really loved me, you would know what they were, even before I did. You, my love, were to be nothing less than a mind reader. It sounded fabulous and romantic. However, we’ve been married a while now. And reality has set in. You are an amazing man. An incredible husband. But I must tell you: You are horrible at mind reading. And it’s not your fault. I now get it. It’s physically impossible. There’s nothing you can do to acquire this superpower that I wish you possessed. So today, I am declaring that I am letting you off the hook. No more guessing. No more expectations unmet. Today, I lay it out. I’m giving you a peek into me. But once you know, you are responsible for that knowledge. No more playing dumb. No more acting clueless. You can choose to stop reading here if you enjoy the guessing game. Ah, you’re still reading? Awesome. I love that about you. You’re IN. I knew it.
Ok wait. Before I express my needs, let me explain something that might be difficult to understand:
I love our kids. I love my role as a mom. But honestly? It’s tough. And here’s the tricky part – those 2 things DO co-exist. One doesn’t trump the other or cancel it out. I love it – and I’m tired. It’s an honor – but it’s exhaustingly hard work. I’m fulfilled – and I’m drained. Get it? Me either. It’s tricky and complex. But it’s called Motherhood and I’m in the thick of it. OK, so in light of that, here’s what I need. Or want. TomAto….TomAHto. Here’s the reality in no particular order….
1) I need to refuel. And it’s not by grocery shopping with only 1 kid instead of all 3. I need to get out of the house. Alone. I need to ride in my car and listen to adult music. I want to use the public restroom in the small stall. The one without the changing station. Alone. I don’t need extravagance. [I mean, I won’t turn down extravagance, of course. But I don’t need it.] 😉 You know what I’d love? To wander the aisles of Target for an hour. Or to sit at Starbucks alone for 30 minutes. Or to walk in a shopping mall without pushing a stroller. It really is that easy. Will I come back completely changed and ready to conquer the world? Honestly? Sometimes yes. But mostly, no. But what I WILL come back with, is a little more life in me. I will have a spring in my step. It’s a little shot in the arm. I reeeeallly need this. When you ask if I want it, and I say, “I’m OK.” I need you to tell me to go anyway.
2) Please don’t call and ask what’s for dinner. If anything, call and ask, “Do we have dinner plans? If not, can I stop by the store and pick anything up?” I love you. And I love providing nourishment for our family. But when I have spit up running down into my bra and a toddler who just learned to take off his own dirty diaper, The Call adds that little extra pressure in my day that just makes me want to accidentally change the locks on the front door.
3) When I take the kids to the pool, please know that I didn’t spend the day poolside with a cocktail. Sometimes I feel like that’s how you view the life of a stay at home mom. In reality, every 2 minutes, I’m doing roll call to make sure everyone is above water. “1..2..3..…1…2…3…” over and over and over and over. I’m changing poopy swim diapers on hot concrete and peeling wet swimsuits off tiny bodies because they have to go potty AGAIN. I’m schlepping towels and sunblock and swimming goggles and dive toys and flippers and water shoes and cover ups and diapers and wipes and snacks and drinks. I have one child who has no fear of water and is jumping into areas he’s not allowed to, and another child who’s deathly afraid of the water and is leaving claw marks in my arm. Blood has been drawn. A walk in the park is not a walk in the park. It’s chasing, and counting, and disciplining and refereeing. A day at the pool is all of that, in a big hole of water. Attempting to avoid death. For real.
4) I’ve been nursing a baby all day long. My “nursers” are over stimulated. The last thing I desire when you get home from work, is to have one more person perusing the “food court.” Those are not yours right now. They are on loan to the person they were actually created for. Your time will come. It’s just not today. If you will understand this and not let it become a point of tension, I’m certain you’ll get extra rewards in heaven.
5) However, when we’re home and you walk by me in the kitchen and grab my butt, and I swat you away, I don’t mean it. I secretly love that you still want to be playful and frisky. The timing may not be right, or I just don’t know what to do with your playfulness because my brain is counting the number of loads of laundry waiting for me. But please don’t stop. I need to know you still like me. I understand this is confusing in light of the point above. I can’t explain everything. I’m just informing. I’m complex like that.
- Motherhood & Resentment (Or The Importance of Self-Care for Moms, Part 2) (kindacrunchy.com)
- When Being a Stay At Home Mom Sucks (kindacrunchy.com)
- The Loneliness of Motherhood (kindacrunchy.com)