They said give it time, I didn’t believe them. I thought for certain that the combination of an uncomfortable pregnancy, excruciating childbirth, and a I’m-goin-crazy-because-I’m-so-flippin’-tired postpartum period would surely keep me from ever considering having more children. I thought that maybe adoption would be a possibility, I’ve always wanted to adopt and at least with adoption there’s only the going-crazy-due-to-sleep-exhaustion period. That’s what I THOUGHT. Well, now that we’ve been researching adoption, it’s becoming a little more real and I’ve realized that there are a lot of difficulties that come with adoption. Like the intense waiting period. It seems like no matter what, parenthood is just HARD. There’s really no way around it.
But you know what? I am loving it. Hate me if you want for saying it. Maybe you got 2 hours of sleep last night and the last thing you want to hear is me say how awesome motherhood is… I get it. I have those days too (it’s not hard to find my writings on that… trust me). But right now, I love it. I love the way my smiling kid crawls over to wake me at 6am (and I am most certainly not a morning person), I love the way he laughs, I love the way he puts his little body into turbo mode when he’s trying to chase our dog (no match), and I seriously love the way he is just HIM. He really lights-up our lives. So much so that I can’t imagine not having a baby in my life. Whether it be through adoption or (gulp) biologically…. I want more.
We’re thinking we’ll go the adoption route next and entertain having more bio kids after that. So, naturally, I bought a (huge) book about adoption. That’s always my first step before doing anything. Read, read, and read some more about it. Then, start talking a little and listening a lot. I love talking to people about their experiences so that it can bring a realness to the endeavor I’m facing. I’ve already started talking and listening a little… and it’s helping a lot. I am so excited for this next part of our journey. Even though the barely sleeping thing and the whole giving of myself completely to yet another little person thing both terrify me at times… I’m still excited (read: In Denial).
We aren’t planning on starting any paperwork soon but I’ll admit, I can’t stop thinking about it. At this point it’s all about researching all of the different options in the adoption world. And there are a LOT of options. But the one thing that has really struck me is the main similarity between having bio children and adopting children: It’s always, always, always about what is in the best interest of the child….not what is in the best interest of me. Sound familiar? Yeah. That’s motherhood. Bam. There’s no perfectly convenient option. It turns out, kids just aren’t convenient, no matter how they come to you, they’re just not. And you know what? I’m ok with that now. I think that I have finally accepted that and that’s why I’m so excited to continue to grow our family.
For now, I’m just enjoying our Little Luca Bear. As excited as I get for the next one (or three) I don’t want to get so caught-up in reading and researching that I miss out on the one who ignited my passion for kiddos to begin with. I’ve been limiting my reading to the times when he is sleeping… it’s been hard because there’s SO much to learn… but we don’t need to be in a rush. We’re starting to research now so that we can be prepared when the time comes to actually start acting.
So, if you’re like me and you feel like motherhood is overwhelming, give it time. Maybe with time it will become more feasible to grow your family. But maybe not. And that’s ok too. I was an only child (sort-of, it’s a long story) and it wasn’t so bad. I don’t think that children need to have siblings to learn about the world in the way some people insist. There are plenty of opportunities to learn to share. (Ha!) So do what’s right for your family because you believe it’s what you’re called to, not because you must. I hear way too many stories of moms giving kids Nyquil so that they’ll sleep because the mom is too overwhelmed to handle the situation properly. I truly believe that stories like that are the result of a couple thinking that they must (for whatever reason) have more than one child, even though they are not in a place to have more (or simply, don’t want more). So, maybe we just take it one at a time, huh? That’s what I’m thinking… we’ll just have to see how that goes. I don’t want to be another mom who’s in-over-her-head doling-out “Sleepy Time Juice” just so that I can maintain some sanity.
What about you out there? At what point did you feel like it was do-able to have more kids? OR Did you come to the conclusion that you’re good with one? I really respect people who keep it real and just say, “Hey, everyone else may be breeding like rabbits, but we’re gonna stop at one.” I also admire the moms who have a potential basketball team and just roll with it. What works for you?
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