Let’s Talk About Marriage

Caleb and I, just after tying the knot.
Caleb and I, just after tying the knot.

Ok, ok, I know that just about a week ago I posted a list of the categories that I would be focusing on. I said I was going to focus on Motherhood as that seemed to be what most readers were drawn to… But this is a subject I just can’t keep quiet about. Aside from parenting, there is another subject I am madly passionate about: Marriage. If you haven’t read my bio then let me share with you that I am married, I am a Christian, and I am on track (though pausing for now due to motherhood) to become a Marriage and Family Therapist. I decided to become a Marriage and Family Therapist because I believe strongly in the beauty of the marital covenant and I wanted to help couples in distress. So, why am I talking about marriage today? Well, unless you didn’t hear (i.e. live under a rock), some major developments regarding same-sex marriage evolved yesterday. I’m not going to get into the details, you can read about it here or here if you’d like.

I’m going to talk about preserving the sanctity of marriage. This is a subject that many of my Christian brothers and sisters (and myself) are very concerned about. I will say now, however, that my solution to preserving the sanctity of marriage is quite different from most. My solution doesn’t involve prohibiting others to get married, it involves rehabilitating marriages that are broken. Did you know that the statistics for Christian marriages fare equal to secular ones? Yes, divorce, adultery, and spousal abuse are just as common in homes that are ‘devoted to the Lord’ as they are in ‘wordly homes.’ If you are a Christian, that information should be shocking to you. You should be pissed. You should be ready to paint some protest signs, start organizations, and shout out to the world how very WRONG this is. But we don’t.

If we are TRULY so concerned about preserving the sanctity of marriage, let’s start working on our own marriages. Let’s show the world what God intended when He created marriage by having that kind of marriage. Pointing our fingers at others for not upholding traditional marriage is pointless (Ha! Get it? Sorry, sometimes I try to joke to ease the tension). This is hypocritical and unloving in the most ugly of ways. It is hypocritical because we as a church can’t even seem to uphold the sanctity of marriage. It is unloving because we see this simply as a cause for Christianity.We neglect to remember that there are people involved here. People who are citizens of a country which promises “liberty and justice for all.” We are also a part of that country.

If America was all about having Christian values than porn would be illegal. Divorce would be illegal. Heck, MTV would probably be illegal (because of the horrible programing, seriously, I’m so over it). So if you want to fight to make America more “Christian” why don’t we go ahead and jump on one of those bandwagons? I’m just going to pour salt on the wound here and say further that same-sex marriage lends itself to Christian values. Two people who are choosing to commit themselves to monogamy means they are turning away from having anonymous sex with random partners. Last time I checked, having sex with many random partners is not a Christian value. It’s also very damaging to individuals and our society as a whole.

I know I may ruffle a lot of feathers with this post but I wanted to take the risk because I feel so passionately about marriage. I believe in it. I think it’s so awesome that the Christian community also feels passionately about marriage. We should. It’s one of God’s greatest gifts to us. So let’s band together and direct that passion towards rehabilitating marriages within the church. Let’s get angry about spousal abuse. Let’s shout-out against adultery. Both of which tarnish the sanctity of marriage and cause devastation to families. So, before you decide to rip me a new one in the comments section, let me ask you this: Can we please agree to disagree about same-sex marriage, but agree to agree on fighting for healthy marriages within the church? Can we fight to bring our statistics of divorce and spousal abuse down to zero? To put it biblically, let’s work on removing the plank from our own eye before we go up in arms over the speck in someone else’s (Matt 7:5). Just a thought.

* Note: I would like to clarify that the high divorce rates within the Christian community seem to apply to apply only to “nominal Christians” whereas more “active Christians” have a lower rate. You can read more about this here.

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3 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Marriage

  1. I’ve said something similar for years. I can read the Bible and see that homosexuality is a sinful lifestyle, but a nation’s morality defines its laws, not the other way around. Lying and lust are also sin, but an attempt to outlaw them wouldn’t change their existence. This gay marriage issue has nothing to do with morality, though – it’s about money and gaining similar legal benefits. It’s only because the government has taken a role in defining and recognizing marriage to begin with, that this is even an issue. Logic doesn’t drive most folks, though, especially the vocal ones (on either side of the argument)… so we’re left with emotional reactions based in fear or pride. Of course, I’d also support legalized polygamy and prostitution, because in a country founded on personal liberty, without a set of structured morals to define our laws.. why not? I think that’s a very important idea to share with modern Christians, because it’s not that I support or encourage any of these actions, which is why I usually begin the conversation with that clarification, but I don’t think it’s our place to try and FORCE someone to live otherwise.. rather, as you mentioned, to SHOW them the other way.

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  2. I’m totally with you on getting the log out of our own eye instead of the speck out of the world’s eye. And I appreciate your footnote about how the whole “the divorce rate is just as bad among Christians as it is among non-Christians” is really a false concept because the numbers are skewed by the abundance of “cultural Christians” out there. Mark and Grace Driscoll’s book “Real Marriage” does a great job of drawing together a lot of the available info to give a picture of how much better marriages are among those who actually read the Bible, try to live like Jesus, and maintain relationships with Jesus and with other Christians that help keep their marriages healthy and whole.
    My husband and I have a passion for marriages too. The one piece of advice we give to couples starting out is to be constantly working on your marriage together from the beginning, BEFORE you start to have problems. There are a lot of great resources out there that can help young couples understand what marriage is supposed to look like and how they can not only stay married, but stay HAPPY and stay friends their whole lives. So we encourage couples to listen to sermon series, read books, and have discussions. And also to find at least one older couple whose marriage they really respect and admire, who can mentor them.
    All that to say, go for it! Write about marriage! I’ll be cheering from my living room.

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