I’ve gotta be honest, we’re barely keeping things together here at the Snyder residence. First, Caleb caught a chest cold, then I caught some funky stomach bug (all while we were on vacation in Canada, mind you), then we arrive home and now it seems that we have traded illnesses. Not to mention, our dog Abby has taken a turn for the worse. Oy. This has been a rough week. I must say, I am very thankful that Luca has yet to catch anything. He seems happy as can be and hopefully it stays that way…
It’s times like these that the words “Good Enough Mother” are my saving grace. Although it’s not just my role as a mom that’s been hit. I’ve had to expand those words to include my whole life. Basically: “Good Enough Jaclyn” has been the phrase of the week. I wasn’t able to be a fun-loving Auntie while I was in Canada, I’ve been slacking as a wife, and I feel like I’m barely scraping by as a mom. I’m just not me.
I think that is why I really hate being sick. I want to be able to do all the things I normally would do. Come to think of it, I think that is why I didn’t like being pregnant. It’s kind of like being sick for 9 months. You just can’t live your life as you normally would. I thought I would be wearing my cute jeans and heels and people would be like, “Oh my gosh, I didn’t even know you were pregnant until you turned around!” Ha! That didn’t happen. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I’m so opposed to having another baby. Pregnancy and postpartum feel like one big illness (aside from all the fun, ooey-gooey, lovey dovey baby moments of course). And did I mention I hate being sick?
Here’s the deal though… sickness is a part of life. Despite my dad’s best efforts to convince me otherwise, I now know that sickness is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of being human. It’s just a reality of life. Kind of like pregnancy. I wish that I could just go through life, always feeling 100% but if I want to have kids, it’s just not gonna happen that way. Even if we adopt, as I’ve always hoped we would someday, there’s still the sleepless nights. Life is just hard sometimes.
This is one of those times when I’m realizing that it’s all about perspective. Yes, not feeling 100% sucks, but life goes on just fine. I was so bummed about our trip to Canada being ruined by illness until Caleb helped me to shift my perspective. We still saw our family and has quality time with them. They met Luca for the first time and cherished every minute with him.
When I think back to my pregnancy, I was pretty miserable… but there were some wonderful times too. I’ll never forget the first time I felt Luca move or the first time we saw his heart beating on the ultrasound. I loved talking with people in line at the grocery store as they wished us well. It was an exciting and beautiful time. I’m still not sure I want to do it again, but I must admit that it wasn’t all bad.
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