I had an epiphany last weekend, and crunchy friends, it wasn’t good. I was browsing through one of my dear friend’s baby registries and noticed that nearly everything on the list was crunchy in some way. Cloth diapers, organic bedding, sustainably produced baby toys… it was beautiful. The registry was almost identical to mine. So, I’m scrolling through the list and by the time I reached the bottom I’m thinking, “I wonder what un-crunchy people think about all this.” I began to frown as I scrolled through the list again… Then, in disbelief, I slammed my laptop shut. Is this how I come across to people? Like a… snobby hippie?! Who knew such a person could exist? It seems like an oxymoron.
Now, I know I’m not a snob and I know you, fellow Crunchy, are not a snob. We just can’t help the fact that our hearts ache for the planet that is being raped and pillaged before our very eyes. I lie awake at night worried about the women in third world countries because they are treated so poorly (ask my husband, I’m not even kidding). Not to mention I’m about a documentary away from becoming a vegetarian (again). See, we don’t mean to be perceived as overly particular, earth-obsessed people… it’s just our hearts you see? They hurt SO bad.
I understand that mostly Crunchies read my blog. I doubt I have a very strong Chewy following. So, I drafted a sample letter that you may use with my permission. It’s an appeal to our Chewy relatives, friends, and coworkers. You may find it useful to have it accompany any shower, birthday, or wedding invitation.
Dear (Insert Chewy Person’s Name Here),
I understand that it may be inconvenient to you that I have neglected to register at (big box store name here). It may also seem strange that most items are organic/sustainably produced/made by poor women in Africa and hence, double the price of regular items. I hope you can understand that I don’t mean to burden you with the intense guilt that I would feel if I were to purchase regular items like the ones you use daily. I wish that I could just drive to (big box store name here) like you do and purchase whatever happens to be on sale. Unfortunately, my heart is just too sensitive to purchase items without regard for the earth/society/the future/poor women in Africa. I truly wish that I could live such a carefree life. It must be so nice. Well, I do hope to see you at my (event name here)! If it is too burdensome to select a gift from my registry please note that I will be donating 10% of whatever monies I receive so, gift cards are not preferable. Thank you so much for your understanding (Chewy Person), I hope to see you soon!
Best Regards for Now and Always,
Your Name Here
Update: I am feeling the need to reassure everyone that this letter is a JOKE! DO NOT SEND THIS LETTER!!! It’s meant to highlight how we can come across to non-crunchy people that’s all. Oops! AND, for the record, I shop at Target and all of those stores… oh geez, I thought I was sooo funny! lol
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