On Becoming Interruptable, For Reals This Time

Dove of the Holy Spirit (ca. 1660, alabaster, ...
Dove of the Holy Spirit (ca. 1660, alabaster, Throne of St. Peter, St. Peter’s Basilica, Vatican) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m not even going to delete the blank post that I blogged last night, it’s just an indicator of my scattered and sleep-deprived state. Ha! I do apologize if you received an email and anticipated some existentially profound musing, only to be left questioning my motives behind publishing a blank post. Don’t read into it, I was just tired. I would however, like to thank Rishabh Upadhyay for “liking” my blank post. It is rare that an author’s thoughts can be deemed admirable without even writing them down.

Now, on to the real stuff… becoming interruptable. It seems that spell check doesn’t acknowledge “interruptable” as a word and I don’t think this is a coincidence. I hate being interrupted. Well, come on, does anyone like being interrupted? Yesterday, I had my Mama Tribe over and of course, I decided at the last minute to whip-up some corn chowder for everyone. This was going to be my way of blessing everyone (feel free to gag or roll your eyes here, I am). So, I hurry to the store and grab everything needed. Then, on my way to my car I realize that I have accidentally stolen a bag of tortilla chips that had fallen between Luca’s carseat and the cart. Moral dilemma. Ugh. I justify leaving by thinking that I’ve got to get back home so that I can bless the Mamas with lunch (I’m seriously green with disgust as I write this). Then, as I’m driving home, I pass a woman who is barefoot. I had a moment when I swear I heard the Holy Spirit’s voice telling me to pull over and provide her with some shoes. I justified leaving that situation because again, I was in a hurry.

I’m not going to lie to you and say that I’ve been in the best place with God lately. I’m still sort of bitter about the whole pregnancy and birth. I wish that God had taken that suffering away from me. I’ll get more into that another day. The reason I’m sharing that now though, is because I have been feeling myself drifting from God ever since the birth. I’ve been trying to do life on my own, without Him, and let me tell you, it’s lame. But let me also confess to you that living life God’s way is hard. It’s hard to let my plans be interrupted by His plans. It’s so painful to write this out because I know how ridiculous it sounds. “Oh really, Jaclyn? YOU had better plans than THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE?” Well, yes, yes I did. My plans weren’t scary or uncomfortable… but they also weren’t epic either.

I want to be a part of God’s epic plan. I’m sick of trying to live life on my own. I get anxious, fearful, and I find myself expending energy on pointless things. I want Luca’s Mama to be an example of a strong and shining faith. I want to allow God to interrupt me so that I can do the adventurous things that He calls us to. I am praying that He will give me a heart that is sensitive to His promptings and a spirit that is courageous enough to follow. I must admit, I’m sort of ashamed to be crawling back to God, yet again. But, I know that those feelings of shame are not from God. As Caleb prayed over me last night he said that he felt like God wanted me to know how much He loves me and that He never expected me to succeed in doing life well on my own. He’s not disappointed in me but He does want me back. Well, to that I say: Here I am God, broken and willing to let you build me up and send me out to do your work. Let’s do this.

If any of you have a story about God’s grace, I would be encouraged to hear it! Also, I’m on the hunt for a good devotional, suggestions welcome! Thank you friends.

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12 thoughts on “On Becoming Interruptable, For Reals This Time

  1. Jaclyn,
    I’ve felt dry spiritually lately as well. Just tired and not making God my center. Ironic, since he wants to bear my burdens and give me rest! I’ve recently started making time for God again and asking him to be my strength because I sure don’t have much. A daily devotional that I’m loving right now is Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

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  2. I can totally relate. My hubby pointed out I need more God in my life, what can I say a newborn is very distracting. I have committed to 2 bible study groups. Yes I am now over compensating I know. But one will only be 6 weeks long and the other meets every other week.
    You should come to church with us. They have a private nursing mothers room. Boobs and sermons! What more could a mama want?

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    • That’s awesome Kelly! Where do you go to church? We go to Rock Harbor Orange and we’re the prayer team leaders so we’re pretty committed to that campus, but thank you for the invite! I wish we had a private nursing room!

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      • We belong to Saddleback in Lake Forest. We usually attend one if the two services offered on Saturday evening. You don’t have to change churches just come for a visit. Plus they have a new covered outdoor area for little ones where they show the service on TVs.

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  3. Thank you for being so honest, as hard as it is. I have found that honesty is what we all need, both to give and receive. I just came across your blog and even though it sounds completely lame and self-promotional, I am going to do it anyway. I recently wrote a bit about grace and I think it might resonate with you. If you stop by, you’ll see I’m not the self-promotional type. I just want to pass on what God has done through me. These are the stories of my first pregnancy and my last. They are posted back-to-back, starting here: http://fiveintow.com/2013/01/21/100-beautiful-days-of-motherhood-faith-12/
    The rest of the story is on the following day, in the post titled Miscarriage.
    I hope you’ll read, but mostly, I hope you’ll continue being honest so we can all learn with you!

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