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Delicate Decisions: Adopting a Chinese Boy

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I may or may not have mentioned that we always figured we would adopt a girl from China. It’s kind of a no-brainer right? Girls are abandoned over there all of the time so clearly that is where the need is.

Clearly.

What I’m about to share may offend you. It may repulse you. You might see me as ugly and selfish and shallow. That’s ok. I’m going to be really vulnerable right now in the hopes that it might do some good for someone somewhere. I’m following in the footsteps of one of my new favorite blog authors Stefanie of “Ni Hao, Y’all” (Best Blog name EVER) who wrote this compelling post: My Chinese Son.

It seems that there are more boys in Chinese orphanages than girls. This may not be true for the Non-Special Needs route, but it is most certainly true for the Waiting Child Program (special needs). Truly, undoubtedly, there are more people in line to adopt girls than boys. This isn’t just true of China. This is true GLOBALLY. A couple of days ago, it was true of us.

Changing_Face

Click above to see the short video “Adopting a Boy.” It will warm your heart!

I wanted to adopt a Chinese girl. It’s what I had my heart set on. They’re really cute, right? Wow, I just came on out and said it didn’t I? Ok, but that’s not the only reason. I also wanted a daughter because we already have a son and it’s every couple’s goal in life to have one of each right? And come on, there are so many abandoned girls over there, it’s like a stand for all of woman kind for us to adopt a girl. Well, now I know that isn’t necessarily the case…

See, I thought there were many good reasons for wanting to adopt a girl.

Digging deeper, I see that these are ugly reasons. You ready for it? Here are the totally unfounded “reasons” followed by the voice of actual logic:

Unfounded Reason #1 Our son won’t be as intimidated by a female sibling.

Actual Logic: My son is nearly 2 and doesn’t know the difference between boys and girls. If anything, he has more consistent play with other boys and enjoys it immensely. If anything, later on he’ll be more apt to see a brother as a buddy.

Unfounded Reason #2 Boys aren’t as cute.

Actual Logic: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen ADORABLE boys on photo listings. Plus, let’s be honest, there’s no guarantee that your children, biological or adopted, will be cute by the world’s standards. I will LOVE without abandon, ANY child that is placed in my arms regardless. It’s just who I am. If we’re honest, we all grieve things about our children because they aren’t EXACTLY how we had secretly dreamed they would be but we get over it. It’s part of what makes parental love so unshakably beautiful.

Unfounded Reason #3 I originally thought we were adopting a girl, my heart was set on it.

Actual Logic:  I did have to grieve the fact that we are not 100% definitely getting a girl. I think it’s really important to allow grief. Once I allowed the grief, I started to imagine Luca playing with a little brother. I imagined people calling them, “The Snyder Boys.” I imagined a house full of Legos and trains and super-heroes. And you know what? I got really giddy about it.

Unfounded Reason #4 This could be my only chance to get a daughter.

Actual Logic: Well, this is true. We could decide we’re done having children after this. But, as Caleb said, if we were having a biological child we wouldn’t get a say in the matter, why should this be any different? I would sure love something to control but just as I learned in my pregnancy (we didn’t learn of the gender until birth) any opportunity to relinquish control to God is actually quite freeing.

And guys, let me tell you, after making this decision, I feel so free. I feel like this is totally in God’s hands and that I have submitted to His will. That nagging feeling has vanished. We could still very well get matched with a girl but I love feeling like I didn’t orchestrate that match. When we receive our match from our agency we will diligently pray over whether this is who God wants to add to our family and make the decision accordingly. I can’t wait for that day! Eeee!!!

Until then, I have a major favor to ask of you. Can you please take a moment to pray for us? We have a lot of requests, feel free to pick one and go for it, it’s SO appreciated!!

- Please pray that the first referral we get is indeed our match. 

- Pray for protection over our little one, that he/she is being regularly attended to as needed.

- Pray that he/she is feeling LOVED.

- Pray for his/her birth mother, that she will be consoled by God knowing that her child will be lavishly loved. 

- Pray that Luca will not feel less loved but only more love as we add-on to our family.

Thank you again!

For more information about Chinese Adoption, check-out this amazing website: Love Without Boundaries.

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4 responses »

  1. You know what?? I LOVE IT! Unfortunately there will be people who have nothing better to do than troll the internet looking to post against things that upset them, and to them I say, “WOW, you are lucky! I wish I had nothing else going on and could devote my time to just cruising blogs and putting my two cents in.” BUT I have kids so pretty much all of my time is spoken for…or more accurately, screamed for! ANYWAYS, Jaclyn…THANK YOU for being so raw and honest. I seriously LOVE it. You have said many, many times, what I am truly thinking. Two things really resonated with me: (1) allowing yourself to grieve for the child you thought you would have, and (2) stepping back and allowing God to control your situation. I think that these are very real and parenting applicable concepts. I needed to read this in this moment. Thank you for sharing!!

    Reply
  2. Wow, this was very eye opening. I never stopped to think about all the orphan boys in China. Love your honesty and prayed for your requests.

    Reply
  3. I’m always glad to hear of another couple being open to a boy. Our sons are so much fun and boys need families too! Good luck on your adoption journey!

    Reply

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